If there’s one thing this year has taught us, it’s that 2013 definitely happened. And with all the certifiably Crazy and Unpredictable things that have happened, one things for sure: It’s certainly been A Year.
And with vaguely forgettable years, come instantly forgettable lists:
2. Time Magazine literally not literally didn’t shake the world to its non-literal core with their decision to give their prestigious Man of the Year title this year to Mrs Brown. It wasn’t that strange a decision to give the award to the star of hit BBC documentary Mrs Brown’s Boys, given that the award had previously been presented to comedy heavyweights Vladimir Putin, Richard Nixon and George W Bush. Mrs Brown said she was delighted to be among such prestigious former winners and celebrated by hitting an old man with a frying pan to a background of rudimentary sound effects and then another man fell over.
3. The UK Top 40 came second in the longest time spent on the UK Top 40, which featured every week apart from one when Robin Thicke claimed every chart position for one week, stating: “I don’t want people to misinterpret this action, I just wanted to spread my message”. Then he took his sunglasses off, and the world collapsed for a bit under his basilisk, cycloptic glare.
5. Franz Liszt was named best alternative spelling of the word ‘list’ for his work in sounding like the word ‘list’ but also not. Lissed France was second and Boris Johnson fifth.
5. Best Word for 2013 was ‘Best’, beating Competition, From and Chris Brown.
5. This list was 74th in Buzzfeed’s ‘63 Lists You Didn’t Realise You’d Listed’, with the caption: ‘When you just can’t be bothered to write a proper caption!’ and you laughed when you saw it because you could somehow relate to it and share it on someone else’s Facebook wall.
5. ‘2013 in Pictures’ was catchphrase of the year, oh no it isn’t, it’s behind you, shall we sing it again then.
5. NME’s list was most predictable yet irrelevant in a consistent contradiction which was both out of touch and ahead of the game, leaving critics baffled and bored which was great but also rubbish in an amazingly average way.
7. Most featured on lists: Milk
5. The Best List of 2012 was crowned Best List at the Best Awards, in a struggle between Best List of 2009 and Best List of Best Lists 2002. Bestival won Best Festival. George Best didn’t.
3. 2013 saw the number 9 awarded 7th Nearest to the Number 1, which is a 2 place drop from 1997 when it was awarded 5th Nearest which is now held by number 6.
2. BBC was awarded best abbreviation by the ABC (Abbreviation British Council). Runners up included Q&A, 2K13, 1D etc
4. Haiku won the prize
For Best Poetry method
Which was expected
5. Year Most Likely To Happen Next: 2014
Year Least Remembered: 1067
Year Split Into Two Words Using Syllables: Your Ear
Year Spelt Incorrectly: Yair
Year Spelt Even More Incorrectly: Yaier
Here’s to the Lists of 2013,
Happy New Year